Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:28 “…“However, those who get married at this time will have troubles,….”   So I am pretty sure that each relationship has some measure of adjustment, difficulty and challenges.  One question is how to make the best marriage possible.  I am writing these devotionals based upon the principle that change doesn’t happen naturally, without some kind of intervention. There is a principle in science that everything left to itself will decay.  I occasionally have watched “Life After People” a History Channel show which predicts what would happen to cities and buildings if man were to disappear from the earth.  One episode showed Wrigley Field completely covered in ivy after many years.  Its an interesting study in what happens when no one is there to “maintain” buildings and infrastructure. 

Well the same is true in relationships.  There has to be some maintenance.  You have to put some effort into your marriage to keep it from being overrun with ivy.  Who will do this?  Should this be the responsibility of the husband or the wife?  The best solution is to make it a joint effort.  

Eggrich presents to us the “crazy cycle”, those times in our marriage when the husband is unloving, and therefore the wife responds in disrespect, and the husband responds unlovingly because his wife is so respectful.  I think we all understand those cycles. He also asks the question, “Should couples conclude they have a bad marriage simply because they have troubles and things get a bit crazy?”  (pg 15, “Love and Respect Workbook”).  The obvious answer is “No”.  Just because your relationship has an occasional crazy cycle does not mean you are in a bad marriage.  It just means you need a joint effort to move to an energizing cycle.

The question is when and how can we make our relationship a “joint effort”, moving towards an energizing cycle.  Let me give to you one key principle and caution.  When you study a marriage book it can be both hopeful and depressing.  You read a description of what marriage can be, and you say, “Oh I wish my marriage was like this.”  That’s hopeful.  Then you compare your relationship to the potential and you think, “Oh my marriage is nothing like this.”  That’s depressing.  So what do you want to do about it?

Think hopeful and do what you know you need to do.  Make your decisions based upon hope and what God is able to do in your life.  Do not make your decisions based upon what is not happening.  

Then be careful of the residual bitterness and anger that creeps into our lives.  Your husband changes, and instead of being energized to be more respectful, you are mad that it has taken so long for him to be loving towards you.  There will be a tendency to be angry over what you have lost, or missed, or what you don’t yet have.  Resist it, rest in the blessings of God which are hopeful and energizing.  

Be watchful of this tendency towards bitterness as well.  As things get better in your relationship there is a tendency to be embittered over the past.  We begin to think, “Why wasn’t he more loving in our relationship in the past?”  “Why wasn’t she more respectful of me in the past?”  Anger, bitterness rises up just as we begin to build a better relationship. So you read the marriage book and go to the conference and the end is worse than the beginning.  I am only exaggerating a little bit but I trust that you are aware of the spiritual battle that each marriage faces.  The enemy will fill our homes with bitterness and anger if we do not fill our homes with love and forgiveness.

  Let it go! Troubles will come but don’t focus upon the past, but the future.  Forgive, bless and watch God work in your lives.